"Dinner has been a sacred practice dating back since the beginning of time across many cultures"
When we make a choice to sit down every day with the same group of people, at the same time, and at the same place, we are engaging in one of the most sacred and intimate acts of our day. We nurture the most human part of ourselves by seeking out recharge through food and connection, away from our rigidly structured work-day schedules. The act of eating with one another is vulnerable; it puts a fundamental need to be replenished on display and we share that deeply human experience with the people around us, sending out waves of rapport with one another as we laugh, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. Upper Division Head Aimee Bates remarks on the fact that dinner has been a sacred practice dating back since the beginning of time across many cultures. However, as we enter a new digital age where our phones are moving from tools of convenience to extensions of ourselves, the line between that world and our real world is becoming blurred in a way that is negatively affecting how we interact with each other and disrupting the spaces in which we do so. Why is it that we turn to our phones in the faces of people we love and against our human desire for meaningful connection? This mindfulness is what Bates and other Stevenson faculty members were hoping students would self-investigate when the cellphone ban in Reid Dining Hall was announced earlier this year.
"Why is it that we turn to our phones in the faces of people we love and against our human desire for meaningful connection?"
In light of a recent movement for cell phone free schools in the LA County School District, Stevenson has announced new restrictions on cell phone use during the day, the most controversial of which bans the use of phones in Reid Dining Hall. Bates says that this decision was borne from a multitude of factors, specifically “distractibility [during the school day] and a [lack of] engagement with one another”. Additionally, this past summer, faculty members took part in a required reading this summer The book The Anxious Generation by Thomas Haidt, discusses the causality between the onset of social media and the rapidly declining mental health of Gen Z. Haidt uses research and data to support this idea as well as its effect on sustained attention, ability to focus and not be distracted and stay absorbed. Bates says one of the most shocking revelations was outside the academic realm but still worrying nonetheless, and that was the effect of social media on brain development and sleep. In light of this, faculty felt inspired for the well-being of students and were proponents in the decision to instate the cellphone ban. The evidence of the negative effects of phone use have become so damning that even Gen Z has played into the epidemic by popularizing terms like “brain rot” and “doom-scrolling,” which, despite the humor, nevertheless show general discontent with the amount of time spent absorbed by social media.
When the decision to ban phones was announced, there seemed to be a visceral reaction in the crowd with instantaneous murmurs and incredulous looks shot towards friends– however I do not believe that this was genuinely a reaction of utter shock and disbelief, but rather one of resignation. Even though the initial shock of the decision elicited a “How could they do this!” attitude, it wore off a couple seconds later to unveil a sense of understanding and a bit of relief– a “how could they not?” Even though the student body did not see this coming, the general trajectory of policies that our community has been trying to enforce, specifically with the banning of phones in structured community spaces like assembly, is consistent with the “face-to-face” culture of community interaction that Stevenson has been cultivating since its creation.
Valuable interactions like these rarely happen because during the moments where we are given the opportunity to connect with one another or someone we find interesting, we turn to our phones instead.
Organic conversation is becoming so rare that it has become romanticized, especially in media. More and more often I am seeing our generation romanticize the concept of being the alluring stranger that someone strikes up a conversation with in a random public space, eventually leading to a strong connection that transpired because both people were in the right place at the right time, AKA the magical television world where seemingly nobody has Instagram because it’s just not necessary for the plot. Valuable interactions like these rarely happen because during the moments where we are given the opportunity to connect with one another or someone we find interesting, we turn to our phones instead. This is not exclusive to strangers, but even to our friends and people we know well. The romanticization of these social moments is a sign that we value and crave connection with others; it’s why we deliberately choose to spend time with certain people; and why if we were logically presented with the option of spending time with friends versus watching Instagram reels, most people would probably choose the former. Bates describes this shift to no phones in the dining hall as low-hanging fruit, considering the fact that we all enjoy each other’s presence and it should thus not be a difficult ask. However, what is logical to us does not always align with our nature. That's why people still use their phones in the dining hall even when it makes perfect sense not to; we value each other’s presence, but we are so addicted to our phones that we cannot align our habits with what we truly value.
In a culture where mindless scrolling can take away from our connections with others, we need the dining hall cellphone ban to check us.
People are in a constant cycle of investing inordinate amounts of time into social media when it offers them no real value. When we use our phones, it is not truly information that we are seeking out, but more so the need to fulfill the incessant need for instant gratification and dopamine, the pleasure receptor. What we neglect to realize is this false sense of pleasure, once it wears off, brings us more anxiety, oftentimes over the realization that time invested into mindlessly chasing instant gratification could be used to do something more productive. This calls for a protection of the sacred spaces where we do get the chance to seek out a real dopamine. Examples of real dopamine include exercising, outdoor activities, and even the simple things like smelling a baked good, but most importantly, genuinely connecting with the people around us. Despite these "positive feelings," most people are not truly content with the amount of time that they spend on their phone or computer and people often feel like they lose time because of how mindless it can be. Even when we are checking our phones consciously, like for example answering a work email or checking text alerts, it is likely not so urgent that we must detract from the current moment and shift our attention from the people we are with.
Bates remarks that “It’s a sign of respect to engage directly with the people around you, especially since we are so lucky to be in each other’s presence.” In a culture where mindless scrolling can take away from our connections with others, we need the dining hall cellphone ban to check us. Whether you use your phone in the dining hall or not, it is a rule that is meant to encourage mindfulness and prompt the question of why you’re checking your phone and if it it so absolutely necessary that you need to do it at that moment.
Bates admits she has reflected upon this herself: “It’s not always an emergency or even urgent, I could do it another way and choose to be just as good at my job. Reflection is meant for everyone”. She also expresses concern at the idea of worrying about what other people elsewhere are doing instead of engaging with the people that are with us, but she expresses her belief in the student body’s capacity to change and recognize the intent behind the rule: “I am hopeful that because [the phone ban] makes sense, because we all genuinely like each other, that if we put them away– and I have a lot of faith in students' intelligence and care for the community– that if they actually experience a shift, they might say 'Oh that was an amazing conversation!' and realize that it was not just a game or scrolling through Instagram,” adding “that’s what I see most of the time when I walk through the dining hall.”
If as a whole, we can all start calling people in and cultivating opportunities to have conversations where we engage with one another instead of turning to our phones during unconscious moments of boredom, we can create a ripple effect where nobody feels obligated to pull out their phone around each other. Bates recognizes that the level of phone use has improved dramatically between now and last spring, especially at assemblies, which shows that as a community we are moving forward on the path of engaging more with one another.
We should not be needing people to tell us to put our phones away for the purpose of engaging with each other; we like each other enough and our behavior should reflect that.
Even though the use of phones at assembly has declined, when walking through the dining hall, a good amount of people still use their phones, which poses the issue of enforcement. Bates recognizes that students and people in general need boundaries, but hopes that we can choose to be this community: “This is our chance to prove that if people want access to their phones at all during the day, [the dining hall phone ban] is our chance to prove that we can make conscious choices to engage with one another, but if we can’t there could be an iteration in the future where we need to be stricter, more draconian.” If the idea of not using our phones in exchange for engaging with others is not an option, hopefully the idea of having no phones at all could inspire people to put them away. All in all, we should not be needing people to tell us to put our phones away for the purpose of engaging with each other; we like each other enough and our behavior should reflect that without needing to be punished to do it.
Compulsively checking phones is a difficult habit to break, especially since it has been ingrained as a crutch for discomfort, a feeling that we have to navigate with life’s many obstacles. However, the ability to manage our discomfort on our own and push through it is an important skill; growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone and anything worth anything will be difficult. Bates remarks similar feelings: “I made friends and study partners by sitting in a lecture hall, turning to someone next to me and actually asking how their day was or if they understood the reading. Right now I’ve heard that people go in and pull out their phones and if you don’t engage with people– it’s an easier choice not to, but it’s a better choice to engage. I think practicing that will affect people. People will feel less isolated when they go to college if they have the ability to move through that discomfort.” I think the first step in respecting this guideline is being compassionate to ourselves and recognizing that although this is a bad habit, you’re aware of it and are actively trying to remedy it. The second step is being mindful and asking yourself why you are pulling out your phone and if what you need to do is even necessary.
I think if we consciously analyze when and why we check our phones, we will start to realize that using them as much as we do is unnecessary and that we are more than capable of managing the time we spend on them at a more reasonable level
I recently downloaded an app on my phone called ScreenZen that locks the app I am trying to open with a 15 second timer and the question "Why are you checking?" Through this, I have slowly come to realize that most of the time, I only pull out my phone when I am bored, uncomfortable, and seeking stimulation which I don’t need at ten in the morning. I think if we consciously analyze when and why we check our phones, we will start to realize that using them as much as we do is unnecessary and that we are more than capable of managing the time we spend on them at a more reasonable level. If I know that I do not need to be doing 90% of the things I do on my phone, when I am around people, I will be less likely to pull it out because I know connecting with others is far more important. I implore everyone to practice mindfulness by asking themselves these questions and to buy into the belief that change starts on the individual level. If we can consciously recognize our habits, we can help to develop deeper interactions with the people around us and influence them to do the same as well.
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